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dr. menlo: proud member of the posse

THIS JUST IN: following the arrest of 70 puppeteers at a puppetmaking workshop in Philadelphia this past week, police and the FBI have significantly downgraded the national status of puppets to PUBLIC ENEMY #1.

Sez John and Jane Q. Public: "If we see any o' dem troublemaking puppets come our way we wills blow thems back to Russia where they came from, I reckon!" Senator Jesse Helms: "Declaring a National Martial Law against puppets seems like the only logical thing for an honest America to do!--are you looking down my blouse!?" His aide amends: "Of course, this legislation refers only to the more nefarious category of puppets known as the 'Hippie Puppets' . . . 'Faith-Based Puppets' are still ok . . . " A brazen, locked-out Pacifica reporter asks: "What about a Nader puppet?" He is immediately arrested.

Meanwhile, in California, a clearly-shaken Henson Camp are preparing their puppets for a speedy departure. Sez Henson Spokesperson Carla J. Saunders: "They said we could keep them all if we put them into priest and nun outfits, but we just can't do that . . . so we're all hitting the underground puppet railway for a while . . . Gonzo has already agreed to be the conductor, bless his furry little heart . . . "

Representatives for Big Bird, on the other hand, are not so sure: "Well, last we saw, he was dressed all in black, carrying a helluva big backpack and on his way to LA--and that's all we can really say at this point."

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